if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Pooping to opera.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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