I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
