TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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