this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
