I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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