I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
