I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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