So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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