I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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