i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
