just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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