matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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