I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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