dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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