I love how my cats smell like pot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
