Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
