You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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