fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think my moral compass just broke
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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