the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
