Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
