He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize