I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
