i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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