You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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