You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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