Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
