shes about as inviting as chlamydia
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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