Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
