please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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