Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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