so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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