When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
