Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
