Christians are straight up FREAKS
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
