Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
