This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
