She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i now understand why vodka
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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