return my video game
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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