Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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