dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
