And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
