A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
