I want to make a zoo with you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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