when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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