Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
