She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
