I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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