your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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