just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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