I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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