I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize