Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
