Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
