btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
