My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
