next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
