He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
