I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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