the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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