Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
