Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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