your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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