So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
