yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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