what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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