if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
