But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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