dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
