its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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