Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
